So I get a phone call this morning from CBC Radio News. Seems there's this videotape of George W. Bush at a Michigan press conference last week taking a question from a Canadian reporter. The reporter then pointed me to Al Kamen's item in Thursday's Washington Post, which revealed that the "reporter" was actually a cast member on "This Hour Has 22 Minutes," the very funny satirical show on CBC-TV that I wish I could get in the States. "The prime minister of Canada, Jean Poutine," the reporter said, "has said you look like the man who should lead the free world into the 21st century." Bush replied enthusiastically, "Well, I appreciate his strong statement ... He understands I believe in free trade ... that I want to make sure our relations with our most important neighbor to the north of us, the Canadians, is strong."

Just one problem: Jean Chretien is the PM in Canada. Kamen gave the governor the benefit of the doubt, suggested maybe Dubya was thinking of Vladimir Putin, the Russian head man. But as several of TV Barn's faithful Canadian readers pointed out today, that's not the joke.

"When they referred to the Canadian minister as 'Jean Poutine,' it was hilarious to the show's target audience," writes Lex Kuhne. "Because, as all Canadians know, poutine is a regional Quebecois dish, typically a side, consisting of french fries, brown gravy and cheese curds (or plain cheddar will do in a pinch). So, not only does the bit show Bush for a doofus, but I bet it really made its audience laugh."

And anyway, Kamen filed his story before he had a chance to see Bush make a complete nincompoop of himself on "Late Show with David Letterman."

I suppose no one these days expects a Republican candidate for president to have complete mastery over current events, any more than he's expected to know how to anticipate those annoying little one-second delays when having a conversation via satellite. On the other hand, as president he'll be expected to have both skills pretty much down pat, so now's as good a time as any for George W. to start. And he can begin by going home and forcing himself to watch Wednesday's truly squirmworthy performance with Letterman, made possible by overly eager campaign advisers who wanted to get him on with Dave before next week's Super Tuesday sweepstakes.

From the start, Dubya was digging himself a hole. Dave threw him a wiffle ball, asking him how he manages to look so youthful and rested after all that campaigning. Bush tried to be funny. "Fake it," he said — leaving himself wide open to what came next. "Is that pretty much how you plan to run the country?" Letterman shot back, to applause.

Bush then tactlessly tried a couple of heart jokes — you didn't have the heart to invite me until now, a uniter sews up the heart while a divider leaves it open — and left the crowd groaning. He held up a DWEEBS FOR BUSH T-shirt. Nobody laughed. (Hey, Dubya, next time put on a jacket with the letters G-U-V on the back. It got a laugh once for Mel Brooks.)

Yes, satellite bounce played a role in this train wreck. But so did ill-advised handlers, a hostile audience and a frontrunner whose propensity for cluelessness is getting him in dubba-dubba trouble.

Picks to click ... for the week of Feb. 28 are here ... Also, it's not too late to start watching NBC's 10-hour miniseries epic "The 10th Kingdom." As you'll read in this review in Sunday's Kansas City Star, the best is still to come. "The 10th Kingdom" continues through March 6.

The daily digest ... for March 2, 2000: Late-night overnights: "Tonight Show" scored a 5.8 rating/15 share with Sen. John McCain as guest, while Letterman rated 4.8/13 with Dubya. "Late Show" improved one share point on CBS's prime-time average while Leno matched his 15 lead-in ... "Politically Incorrect with Bill Maher" airs a special live edition next Tuesday — that is, Super Tuesday — to analyze the fallout from what looks to be a decisive round of primaries in both parties. Michael Moore will join the fray from New York, where he's serving as the show's election correspondent-slash-troublemaker. Dana Carvey, Martha Plimpton and Chris Cuomo are among the scheduled guests ... Jeff Robbins writes, "To the gentlemen who wrote in to say that Bill Cosby's inept hosting job on 'Late Show' last week was intentional: This is Cosby we're talking about, not Andy Kaufman" ...

Dana Delany returns to series television aboard the cast of "Good Guys/Bad Guys," a new NBC drama from "Homicide" and "Oz" producers Tom Fontana and Barry Levinson, reports Variety ... "20/20 Downtown" might be back in May. The unpleasant-to-watch edgy newsmag has been helped by — what else? — having "Who Wants to be a Millionaire" as its lead-in, sez Variety.

Previously on TV Barn:
1 March: Reader mail
29 Feb: Kathie Lee quits
28 Feb: Kathie Lee triumphs
24 Feb: Reader mail
23 Feb: More games to come
22 Feb: "X-Files" meets "Cops"
21 Feb: Dave is back!

On this date... in 1977, Jay Leno makes his debut on "The Tonight Show with Johnny Carson," and immediately thinks of several ways to ruin the show if he ever becomes its host. -- Tom Heald

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