The 1999 Upfronts

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NBC

Avery Fisher Hall at Lincoln Center, May 17

Your announcer is Don Pardo. Live music furnished by the "SNL" orchestra. Presentation starts approx. 10 minutes late; affiliates behind me joke semi-good-naturedly about the delay ("I wonder in how many of our control rooms the tape has been running for 10 minutes." "Yeah, 10 minutes of dead air, that's what I always like to have.")
Presentation opens with a sketch featuring Will Ferrell and Cheri Oteri of "SNL" doing their early-bird-TV parody "Morning Latte." They banter about various stars and about "SNL" ("Not a fan!" says Oteri. "Take it off the air!" echoes Ferrell.) Then Ferrell says, "Where did the little red-headed leprechaun with the beard go?" — a joking reference to departed NBC Entertainment prez Warren Littlefield, who will be insulted one more time during the presen but won't be singled out for praise by anyone. Jimmy Fallon comes out as Jerry Seinfeld, their guest; then Keith Turner, head of NBC Sales comes out; after some more banter he suddenly stands up and announces, "Live from New York, it's the NBC Primetime Preview!"
Scott Sassa, new NBC West Coast hed (replacing Don Ohlmeyer), intro's. His speech is tentative; the teleprompter (hereafter TPT) is not yet his friend. Throughout the 2-plus-hour presen the stage goes dark as something plays on the big screen that fills up most of the Avery Fisher Hall stage. In the dark a phalanx of crew members break the stage, setting up the next act.
Sassa thanks Ohlmeyer and then describes the three words that describe NBC shows: Quality. Smart. Fun. It sounds vaguely familiar to the mantra of "daring .. distinctive ... well-crafted" used by former Fox Ent. chief Peter Roth (who unlike Ohlmeyer or Littlefield is in the audience, no doubt in his new role as studio head).
Sassa then knocks down a few "perception/reality" tenpins. Perception: Networks are in decline. Reality: They're still the value leader. Then he does a Total Cereal comparison: "If you buy one spot on 'ER' on Thursday night, you'd have to buy a schedule of 100 prime-time spots on TNT, TBS and USA to equal that." Accompanying slide. He pulls out a quote he gave to Wired in 1995, back when he was running the ent. div. Turner's cable networks, that he considered broadcast TV to still have "the only Class A beach-front property out there."
Sassa also says one good thing about cable competition is that "network television is no longer a zero-sum game. You don't have to hurt each other to be successful." Networks also have more "loyal" and "attentive" viewers than cable.
NBC is the first network ever to win the season in demos without football. "Since January 1st we've won 15 out of the last 19 weeks. If you take away the Super Bowl, the Academy Awards and Monica Lewinsky, we would've won 18 out of 19." Titters of laughter. "There wasn't supposed to be a laugh there," jokes Sassa, to bigger laughs. CBS, meantime, is up in households but down in demos, where it is still in fourth place. And NBC has "unmatched access to upscale demos. So if you were trying to reach a 25-year-old educated woman, only Bill Clinton could do better." More laughter. "That was Jay Leno" that wrote that joke.
Introduces Garth Ancier, who has been NBC Ent. chief for five days. He is even more tentative with the TPT. But he notes Sassa is the same person who got him to leave NBC 13 years, to go to Fox, then later to go to WB. He highlights the stability of NBC's sked, "respecting audience's desire to see the shows they love return to the time periods when they expect to see them."
Sassa returns to tell us about the fall sked night by night, a sked, he's proud to say, with "100 percent of the returning shows returning." Chuckles from audience.
NBC 2000, the network's overwrought promos dept., has jingles to intro every night of the week. We start with, "It's the only day that starts with an M, it's MONDAYYYYY!"
"Suddenly Susan's" Kathy Griffin does a hilarious taped piece to demonstrate NBC's power with 18-49 and upscale viewers. Funnier than the show, in fact. Sassa also lets drop that "Cosby" will not be on at 8 on CBS this season. (Canceled? Moved to Friday?)
"Veronica's Closet" gets moved to the post-"Suddenly" timeslot and gets exactly 20 seconds worth of Sassa's time. Half of which is spent touting the fact there are two new "show runners" (executive producers in charge of the day-to-day) both of them among the original writing staff of "Friends."
"Law & Order: Special Victims Unit" (which follows at 9) doesn't seem to have been ordered with a pilot; the promo reel simply replays old video plus sound bites from EP Dick Wolf, who says the series will utilize current and *former* L&O regulars and suggests it will do more "storytelling" about the characters' lives. Looks promising. Sassa notes that "L&O" third-run repeats this season did very well in this exact time pd. Marisky Hargitay ("Prince Street," "ER") and Chris Meloni ("Oz") are the two new regulars.
"Dateline" (at 10). Ancier will later call this edition of "Dateline" the "unsung hero of the NBC schedule."
Sassa tosses to Colin Quinn, who's in the tent behind Avery Fisher with celebs. (He compares himself to a Macedonian refugee.) Interviews Brooke Shields, who's yummy in a cream pant suit with a lime-green top. They banter amiably for a couple minutes, then Quinn introduces the POTUS, Bill Clinton (Darrell Hammond), who says, "Let me say to the people in the news division: I have big plans for next season." Laughter/applause.
Tuesday (jingle done to tune of "R-E-S-P-E-C-T"). They're optimistic about "3rd Rock" leading off against "Home Improvement"-free ABC (8:00).
MIKE O'MALLEY (8:30) trailer clip leaves me cold. It's a two guys and a girl premise. Strike one. It steals the let's-go-to-the-VCR concept from Lifetime's "Oh Baby" (not a great sin but a sure sign of sucking wind for ideas). And there are two "Jerry Maguire" jokes. Hello, those were stale last year. O'Malley is "the Rick" in those ESPN ads.
"Just Shoot Me" (9:00). They play a trailer! It's all about the David Spade-Rebecca Romijn-Stamos storyline.
MIDSEASON: "Sammy," animated show by David Spade and based on his life (and his deadbeat dad who came back into his life when he got successful). Trailer is played; Spade comes out and does a live bit. "It's a cross between 'Union Square' and 'Everything's Relative.' It's got hit written all over it." Trailer fails to get rise out of audience.
MIDSEASON: "God, the Devil and Bob" from Carsey-Werner ("Roseanne," "3rd Rock"). Also animated. James Garner is God, Robert Downey Jr. — "straight from jail" — is the devil, French Stewart plays the Job-like character Bob and Laurie Metcalf Bob's wife.
"Will & Grace" (9:30). They play a trailer. Returning to Tuesday because in the 15 weeks they were paired, "Just Shoot" and "Will" "were unbeatable."
"Dateline" returns to Tuesday for its eighth (!) season. And it beat "NYPD Blue" in demos last season.
"Wednesday" jingle features a "Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds" parody while three flowers appear on screen — each with the head shot of an "L&O" cast member in the center (Angie Harmon, Jerry Orbach and Sam Waterston). No one laughs except me and Sassa, who admits "that one was my favorite."
"Dateline" back at 8.
THE WEST WING (9:00) from Aaron Sorkin ("SportsNight") and executive producer John Wells ("ER"). Impressive trailer. Martin Sheen is the POTUS — President of the United States — Rob Lowe, Moira Kelly, Richard Schiff are among the quality cast. I do note, however, that the trailer includes one of those long opening shots snaking through various corridors, a la "St. Elsewhere," "ER" and of course, "SportsNight."
"Law & Order" (10:00).
Back to the tent, where Jimmy Fallon does a couple of acoustic guitar parodies that I suspect were written with NBC 2000 staff. "Thank you Chevrolet/Thank you Burger King/Thank you Kraft Macaroni & Cheeeeeeese."
Thursday jingle: "Get out your checkbooks — it's Thursday!" Laughter and applause.
"Friends" (8:00). Trailer with scenes from season finale, plus promise of a big cliffhanger. Matthew Perry then comes out for some improv in which he reads "top 10 things to expect next season" on "Friends," one of which is "we all get even bigger apartment, just to piss off the critics even more."
"Jesse" (8:30) is back, and it too has an original "Friends" writer as show runner!
"Frasier" (9:00) merits a clip reel. Kelsey Grammer then comes out and wings a few lines, none esp. knee-slappers but quite earnest and charming as only Kelsey can be. He does promise, however, that despite NBC's tendency to incorporate weddings into its sitcoms, "No one actually will get married on 'Frasier' for quite some time."
STARK RAVING MAD (9:30) from Steven Levitan, the guy behind "Just Shoot Me" (NB: Levitan had a guaranteed order for this show long ago). Neil Patrick Harris, Charles VII in "Joan of Arc" among other roles, plays an obsessive-compulsive book editor and Tony Shalhoub his mischievous new author project, a Stephen King type with a macabre sense of humor. Billed as "an 'Odd Couple' for today." So-so trailer; could work if enough storylines emerge. Crowd gives it a good reception.
"ER" (10:00) trailer promises "new beginning with a twist."
"Friday" jingle done to tune of "My Way."
"Providence" (8:00) is highest-rated new drama since "ER," and "did it all itself" without a Thursday-night boost. The "providence" trailer features typical viewers gushing about how the show has touched their lives. Mostly women with a couple of sensitive guys' testimonials tossed in. "You feel fuller and richer for a very small moment, but it carries you for a very long time." Ew. Then out comes Melina Kanakarades in a sexy top to say a few earnest words.
"Dateline" (9:00) beating "20/20" in demos.
"Cold Feet" (10:00) designed to "exploit 'Providence's' momentum," as every jilted "Homicide" fan rightly suspected NBC was planning for its replacement. Trailer shows three couples in various degrees of getting-to-know-you. Highlight is a guy serenading a woman outdoors in the nude with a rose in his ass. (Think of it as an hour version of "For Your Love" aimed at white people.)
More MIDSEASON: "M.Y.O.B.," a "fish-out-of-water story seen thru the eyes of an irreverent teenage girl." And "The Others," a one-hour "sexy high-concept scary 10 o'clock show" about a woman who sees visions. Worst-received trailer from the affiliates around me. When a nude woman springs from the bathtub in the star's nightmare, a rep behind me groans, "Oh great." Another: "Weird." From DreamWorks; Sassa said show was inspired by conversation with Spielberg, whose TV career began with "Rod Serling's Night Gallery," telling Sassa he wishes there were a scary show on TV today.
CONAN O'BRIEN makes an appearance. Highlight of the presentation. "Thanks, Warren!" he opens. Then announces Warren is "working on an off-Broadway production of 'Conrad Bloom.'" Says new NBC slogan is "Let Us Entertain You" (true fact, I guess.) Says it's better than last year's slogan, "Let Us Squander an Incredible Lead." Says he'll keep remarks short so everyone can get home to watch second part of "Atomic Train." Says GE ordered yet another cut, and now the movie is about "a stolen bicycle loaded with cheese."
Introduces Triumph, the Insult Comic Dog, who has "brought by show from 80 viewers to 94 viewers ... but KILLER DEMOS!"
Triumph brings down the house repeatedly. On the upfronts: "I haven't had this much fun since the doctor chopped my nuts off." On Garth Ancier's previous job at the WB: "I've got worms in my stool that have shows on the WB!" On "Veronica's Closet": "Is that poop still on the air? Are you kidding me? Whose leg did Kirstie Alley have to hump to get that?"
On network relations: "Oh yeah, the affiliates are really happy with NBC! I read all about that compensation thing. You guys are getting it doggy-style from the network!" Raucous laughter and applause. "You've got the wrong idea, Triumph — we're one big happy family at NBC." "Oh yeah, and I'm banging Lassie!" More laughter and applause and out. Sassa: "It sounded like a good idea in dress rehearsal."
"Saturday" leads off with FREAKS AND GEEKS. Sassa promises to "take the time to grow this show." It "scored very well with 18-29-year-olds." It takes place in 1980, "an age of innocence" says the announcer in the trailer. It's about high school losers forming a community and getting by. One-hour show. Closes with the old, ballyhooed NBC logo (remember it? Looked like the Wickes Furniture logo?), a nice touch.
"Pretender" and "Profiler" introduced as a block (9:00-10:00).
Announces "SNL" will air a three-hour live 25th-anniversary show Sept. 26, something last done for the 15th anniversary when it was one of the highest-rated nights of the season.
"Sunday" will begin with "Dateline" right on the hour, as opposed to the often-tardy "60 Minutes."
THIRD WATCH (8:00), another show for John Wells, but this one is the "first show John has developed and written himself since 'ER.'" It's a "big tent show" with something for everyone: cops, paramedics, fire, diversity, action. Strong-looking trailer (but possibly too earnest; NBC execs, in my experience, are convinced "ER" is a more lovable show than it really is, and this fallacy may infect "Third Watch"). Strong character actors here, though: you won't know their names but you'll recognize their faces.
So in sum: 7 new series, 5 hour, 2 half-hour (Sassa eschews calling shows "sitcoms" or "dramas" because they've got some funny one-hour shows; thank you "Ally McBeal").
Ancier comes back out and he and Sassa engage in scripted banter (TPT'd and all) about how great the new sked is. Ancier calls "Third Watch" "probably our strongest development piece" and "probably the most expensive first-year show ever made." (More than "Supertrain"?)
Movies and minis. This trailer begins by telling us how great NBC 2000 (promotions) is at getting the word out when it comes to touting their big sweeps specials. Miniseries next season include "Sinkhole," "Thomas Capano Story," "The 70's" and three Robert Halmi epics ("Leprechaun," "Jason and the Argonauts" and a contemporary special, "The 10th Kingdom," where "the land of childhood classics (is) real"). Made-for-TV movies include "Ultimate Twister" (the storm, not the game), "A Touch of Hope," "Blast to the Past," "The Spring" (fountain of youth), "Road Rage," "Mary and Jesus" and another "Law & Order" movie. Theatricals: Men in Black, Face/Off, Fools Rush In, In & Out, Donnie Brasco, Anaconda, Daylight.
Finally, there is a curtain call with all the NBC stars present on stage as the band plays the familiar closing theme from "SNL." TRT: approx. 2:10.

The WB

New York Sheraton, May 18

Opens with a filmed montage of WB stars posing for pictures, with stars from different shows juxtaposed: Keri Russell, Josh Jackson; Stephen Collins, David Boreanaz. The video is overlong (mainly because it's showing off the single from Thisway that we will later find in our press packets), so we keep seeing the same faces over and over, just in different combos. All of which demonstrates there are a limited number of stars on the WB.
Jamie Kellner opens, thanks his wife for being here and adds, "That's a make good."
A couple of words from Jamie about "the Y2K function," fact that in past 20 years audience of Big 3 is down 50 percent. Reason: consumers or viewers are accustomed having it their way, with endless choices. So if you don't connect directly with them, you won't succeed. Networks that try to build large, large audiences with their shows almost by definition will connect less with them. Which is why we don't care about household ratings. We laugh at advertisers that ask about our total viewers.
Jamie says "the thing I love is the diversity of it," referring to the fall schedule with nothing but white people on all the new shows. Adds that five years from today, WB wll have a distrib system to rival Fox's.
Jed Petrick, EVP Sales, comes out to reiterate the WB's goal of becoming "the network of choice for those under 35." Later displays chart with the median viewer ages for all the networks: WB 26.6, NBC 42.9, ABC 41.7, CBS 52.5 (down from 52.6, the only net to decline), UPN 37.4, Fox 34.1.
Hype watch: Our stars are on magazine covers and in movies at your local cineplexes. And Dawson's Creek soundtrack went to No. 1 in soundtracks its second week.
Talk about what fabulous consumers young viewers are and how WB brand of programming is "hip, cool, it's exciting, fun and fresh." But advertisers will need to create "direct connections" with their viewers — i.e., use the ads they run on MTV rather than the ones they run on NBC. Shows "hip, cool, exciting, fun, fresh" ads for Mastercard ("Believing in yourself: zero dollars ... Being young: priceless"), Saturn ("Somebody order a Saturn?"), Crest Extra Whitening (a spot I notice features mainly light-skinned girls).
Suzanne Daniels, Ent. Pres., and Jordan Levin, EVP Prog., intro the fall sked. Announce they're going to use their five "appointment" shows to anchor five different nights. Suzanne says these shows "blur the line between comedy and drama," are "funny" and "smart" and unite families. "Look at it this way: If you can't talk to your kids, at least you can watch TV with them."
Monday. 8:00, "7th Heaven." But have had trouble finding the companion piece for it, so asked Aaron Spelling and the creator of "7th Heaven" to do it, hence
9:00, SAFE HARBOR. Gregory Harrison as a recently-widowed sheriff on a beachside town in Florida whose family — four boys and Grandma (Rue McClanahan) — live in a converted beachfront hotel. Fun for whole family. Harrison and Collins come out and speak, mostly without the aid of TPT. (There are small stages to the left and right of the podiums used by Daniels and Levin where the stars go out and speak, most of them using a TPT positioned overhead and out of eyeshot.) Collins mentions a couple of testimonials from viewers whose lives were saved-slash-changed by watching his TV show. "Kids come up to me on the street and tell me they wish they could be in the Camden family. It's a family that's so uncool it's cool." Harrison says "Safe Harbor" will promote family values; in episode two a teenage girl will join the cast.
Tuesday. "Buffy" at 8, "Angel" at 9. A thunderous and compelling preview shows Boreanaz moved to L.A. and starting a practice in which he explains the curse over his life. Turns out he sucked the wrong girl's blood some time ago. She was a Gypsy, and the Gypsies "are heavily into vengeance." Angel was cursed, and as a result he has a human soul other vampires don't have. "I had to live with the consequences of my actions, and I had live forever." And this is bad because as soon as he experiences human intimacy, it's taken from him. So he has decided to move to L.A. Charisma Carpenter has decided to follow him. And Irish boy Glenn Quinn, aka The Whistler, is there too.
Daniels explains that when WB told "Buffy" creator Joss Whedon that "Angel's" air time was not "set in stone," Whedon sent her *this* and up comes a slide of a stone with "ANGEL, 9 P.M. TUESDAY" etched into it. After the trailer, Whedon comes out and speaks without notes. Says he's often asked why he would possibly want to remove Buffy from her natural environs in high school. "So I ask them, 'Did you graduate from high school? Did you run out of pain?'" But Whedon says he realized that Buffy's "universe has grown to the point where it no longer fits in one hour. ... It occurred to me there was another story that needed telling."
Wednesday: "Dawson's Creek" (8:00) is TV's No. 1 show among female teens. It's the WB's top-rated show among A18-34. And next season it's getting an order of 24 episodes (makes sense; after all, it's a soap opera). That's followed at 9 by its "ideal partner," from "Relativity" and "My So-Called Life" writer Jason Katims: "ROSWELL." Trailer: A teenage waitress at a diner in Roswell, N.M., is shot accidentally. A teenage boy who's been admiring her comes over, passes his hand over her wound and heals her. The rest of the trailer hints that some grand conspiracy has made this possible. Meanwhile the local sheriff figures it out all himself (why can't these sleuths be somewhere it counts, like Boulder?). And the boy (who says "I'm not from around here") and girl are now wrapped up in the terrible web they've weaved. Be the first on your block to call it "Dawson's" meets "The X-Files." (And indeed the co-producer with Katims is David Nutter, who worked on "X-Files.")
Josh Jackson comes out and reads off TPT about how the WB had warned him before "Dawson's" launched how big the show would be. Makes a joke about "if only the network had promoted it ..." then tosses to someone from "Roswell," I think Jason Behr, who plays Max the alien boy, who says last weekend the show "went from the bubble to the proverbial beach-front property," a line the people in attendance found hilarious.
Thursdays. At 9, "Charmed" will take on "Frasier" and that new NBC comedy because, says Suzanne, "nobody has aggressively programmed against NBC until now." The show is No. 2 on WB among 18-34's and 18-49's. That's preceded at 8 by the network's "highest testing (new) show." It's a high school show "from both sides of the cafeteria." A popular girl and a geeky girl — who doesn't look like a geek — see their single parents get engaged to each other. The geek has friends including "Nothing Sacred's" Rachel (Tamara Mello) and an uncredited Rosie O'Donnell type. The trailer doesn't make much of a dent on me or the crowd.
Shannen Doherty steps out and reads from a TPT. She really ought to take an Irish role sometime.
Fridays. Three of the four Thursday black comedies are moving here to launch a new night for WB and "serve an under-served audience." (Saturdays they've got daytime in Kids WB with "Batman Beyond" and "Pokemon." Daniels explains the relationship of Friday, Saturday and Sunday in shop terms that baffled even me.) So anyway, they show a clip reel of "For Your Love," which is on at 8:30 (sandwiched btwn "Steve Harvey" at 8 and "Jamie Foxx" at 9), then Holly Robinson Peete and D.W. Moffett come out and do scripted comic banter. "This move is probably going to nip that Blockbuster IPO right in the bud," says Moffett of moving to Thursday. G'bye, Marlon and Shawn, my guilty pleasures.
So what's on at 9:30? "The Downtowners," from two former "Simpsons" executive producers. The trailer intersperses comments from them with scenes from the pilot. Post-high schoolers live downtown. "We noticed that every char on 'The Simpsons' is under 10 or over 35," says one. "A number of networks wanted it ... (but) only the WB has shows geared both toward people on our show and people who want to watch our show." Which doesn't rescue the lame-ass clip reel, in my book. When trailer ends, audience sits in silence for a one-count. Daniels says Saturday prime development is in the works, "but for now you have a half hour of 'Pokemon' and 23-1/2 hours to figure out what you just saw."
Sundays. "7th Heaven Beginnings" will be back at 7. "We then took an important show and moved it to an important time period," namely "Felicity" at 8. It is the "perfect alternative" to male-skewing NBC shows and the audience will go to it because it has the highest loyalty ratings among all WB shows.
"Jack & Jill" is about six 20-somethings living in New York City. The main storyline consists of a guy named Jill, his longtime girlfriend and a new tenant in his building, a female named Jack. They wind up contending for him and did somebody just turn the clock back 30 years or what?
Keri Russell comes out with Jack and Jill and reads some particularly drawn-out remarks. Finally she coughs, says, "Long speech," and gets a sympathetic laugh. Jill comes out and predicts success for the show because "every guy in the world is going to be in love with Jack."
Levin then introduces several "second season" shows. "D.C.," executive produced by Dick Wolf of "Law & Order," is about five young adults navigating their first post-collegiate years in the nation's capital in political jobs. Mark-Paul Gosselaar is one of them; Jacinda Barrett is another. Trailer overly earnest. "Zoe Duncan Jack and Jane" coming back at midseason; it's "brimming in potential" and is the WB's No. 1 comedy about F12-34. Also "Baby Blues" will arrive at midseason; 13 eps are "ready to go."
In the summer, "Movie Stars" will launch in July. In specials, "The WB Radio Music Awards," with traditional honors as well as categories such as "Favorite Driving Song" and "Best Make-Out Song," will air in October. WB will use its music marketing muscle to make it an event.
Daniels closes by saying a new Myers reports says the WB is part of "the new big 4" in TV. TRT: approx. 90 minutes.

ABC

New Amsterdam Theater, May 18

ABC president Pat Fili-Krushel is introduced by someone even further up the food chain from her. Assures the advertisers in attendance (at the Broadway theater where Disney's "The Lion King" is playing) that ABC has "the strongest momentum ... the most upside ... We are here to move your products and we have the best brands to do that." Brands like Drew Carey and SportsNight. Plugs News, Sports and Daytime (No. 1 in demos 22 years running; "The View" is the fastest growing talker in TV)
Then we are shown the "Brotherhood of Man" musical number that aired in the season finale of "Drew Carey." As it ends, it continues onstage with live dancers, who escort out Carey, who wisecracks, "I wish I could do that every morning," and then, "thank you Pat Fili ... delphia," and then does some standup. At the upfronts, "you get so much smoke blown up your ass you get cancer" ... "I saw Jeffery Katzenberg at the 'Star Wars' premiere in L.A. But he is short" ... "David Blaine is here. He spent 7 days in a coffin ... I'll spend 8 days in a bar." Tells the joke about the agent standing on line at a grocery when a person behind him gives him a massage. Turns out he's a massage therapist offering a free sample. "Yeah, well I'm an agent and you don't see me screwing the guy in front of me!"
Stu Bloomberg comes out and says thank god Drew did the warmup, because the alternative would've been a musical number, "Jamie and me doing `Summer Nights' from Grease." (Actually, he said "Summer Love.") Stop the presses! Bloomberg announces that the color yellow "will become ubiquitous across ABC," and not just across New York City (on scores of hot dog carts around midtown, the usual red-and-white umbrellas have been replaced with yellow umbrellas with the ABC logo and the slogan, "TV. Zero calories.").
Stu says ABC has "the most diverse schedule on network TV" (making ABC the third of three webs to use the D-word; see NBC and WB references.) "We truly have programming for everyone." Brags that network is No. 2 in A18-49 and has cut NBC's 1997-98 lead in half in that demo and of the top 20 A18-49 shows in TV, ABC has the most (9). Also, "Spin City" has had its "strongest creative year to date" and "The Practice" won a Mr. Peabody yesterday.
No one's smoother than Stu, but Jamie Tarses is noticeably better at reading the TPT and looking relaxed than when she took the job. She goes immediately to the schedule:
Sunday. "We look forward to another amazing season" from "The Practice," airing at 10. Its lead-in is SNOOPS, also from David Kelley, "the private detective show for the new millennium" featuring "two thoroughly modern women," played by Gina Gershon and Paula Marshall. The trailer plays. Announcer tells us they're "a group of sexy detectives who know how to get their man." It looks scattered. Paula Marshall looks to be taking a step down from "Cupid." After the trailer airs, selected stars of "Snoops" and "Practice" materialize on stage, get applauded, then wordlessly (and in awkward silence) march off, a ritual that will be repeated for each of the seven nights.
Among the "Disney" (7 p.m.) events next season: A Bug's Life, Jack (Robin Williams), Jungle 2 Jungle, Jingle All the Way, Space Jam, Sister Act II, Lion King II: Simba's Pride, a new version of "Annie" with another nationwide-search-winner Annie plus Kathy Bates, and "Gepetto" with Drew Carey and J-L Dreyfus.
Monday means "Monday Night Football," moving back to 9 p.m., and what better way to promote "MNF" — and bring the ABC upfront presentation to a screeching halt — than to bring out Al Michaels and Boomer Esiason, have them banter and banter and banter, saying things even network people don't believe ("In my 14 years on the show this year is by far the best, at least at the outset"), then beam in N.Y. Jets coach Bill Parcells and interview him while the rest of us look on asking why. (The 8 slot is for "20/20," about which more later.)
Tuesday. This season we broke the deadlock between us and NBC. So as we did two years ago we're taking our 9 o'clock anchor and moving it to 8: "Spin City," which won its time period in HHs and demos. Two years ago, it went head to head with its new competitor, "3rd Rock," and never lost. At 8:30, "It's like" won handily and improved on its "Dharma" lead-in. Speaking of "D&G," here it is as the new 9 p.m. Tuesday anchor. It ranks 15th in young adults on Wednesdays; now on Tuesday it will become top 10. "At 9:30, I'm so proud to say 'SportsNight' will be back for another season ... We are determined to make this series a hit." At 10 p.m., "NYPD" will debut in late fall, so that the latest Zwick/Herskovitz ("My So-Called Life," "thirtysomething") creation can have a launch: "ONCE AND AGAIN." It's about a divorcee and a widower who find love again with each other. But her ex walks in on her perfect date and she gets cold feet; she's got kids; etc. Ladies and gentlemen, the stars of ABC Tuesday. They have the right to remain silent.
Wednesday, which on ABC is "the second highest-rated night on television among young adults." At 8:00 you get the "Two Guys." At 8:30, "Norm." (Jamie says, "Don Ohlmeyer's loss has been our gain.") At 9 is "Drew Carey" (besides praising the star, Jamie tosses a rose to "Drew" and "Norm" executive producer Bruce Helford). At 9:30 OH GROW UP, which comes with a laugh-out-loud trailer. Looks a whole lot more promising than "The Secret Lives of Men," that's for sure. Jamie says it's "sure to be one of ABC's next signature shows" and full of "breakout stars." It features a serial philanderer, his pal who's coming out of the closet and his pal's soon-to-be (he hopes) ex-wife. Among others. The stars of Weds. FYI, "20/20 Wednesday" returns at 10. (It is No. 12 in A18-49 among all shows on TV.)
And now, the news division. David Westin comes out, though not on cue ("David?" Pause. "Here he comes.") and reviews the various programs. Announces that "GMA" ratings have done so well since Diane Sawyer and Charles Gibson took it over that the twosome were asked — and agreed — to stay on while the show continued to search furiously for successors. (Applause greets the announcement.) "World News Tonight" was the most-watched evening newscast last week. "Nightline," the "jewel in the crown," went to Honduras and the Balkans. There will be a millennium program on New Year's Eve hosted by Peter Jennings, aired out of the new Times Square studio. Westin salutes Hugh Downs. There will be a "20/20 Thursday" opposite "ER." A clip reel for "20/20" airs; we hear Barbara Walters talk about "style and a dignity" her show has that those other newsmags don't. It's one of those clip reels the TV critic in me viscerally wants to deconstruct.
But there's no need, because here come Barbara, Diane, Charlie, Connie and Sam out on stage. Westin throws them a question, "to reflect back on something they covered that they thought had a lasting impact." Barbara: "Be only a handful of reporters with Richard Nixon when he opened China to the United States," Begin and Sadat, "and on a personal note, having been able to interview Christopher Reeve" after his accident. Diane: "Most exciting being with Boris Yeltsin when the tanks were rolling in." Gibson: "Well, to hell with history, I haven't made any," which gets laughs. But he did thrill to doing five mornings of "GMA" from five different Saudi sites with five groups of US troops going into battle in 1991.
Chung: "Covering Watergate ... It was taken so seriously, unlike the impeachment of Bill Clinton ... I think all of us who covered Watergate ... had withdrawal symptoms after it was all over. We didn't think there was another story that was good enough. And there's wasn't; it was the story of the decade. I think Richard Nixon thought we were all out to get him. He was probably right!" she says with a laugh.
Sam first reflects on getting "tear-gassed in the best places: Saigon, Chicago, Washington." Then this: "1981 I was outside the Hilton when John Hinckley shot Ronald Reagan and two others. I was standing five feet away. I knew Hinckley wasn't shooting at me." Pause. "At least I hoped he wasn't shooting at me. Do you think he was just a bad shot?" Nervous laughter.
David Blaine comes out and does some card tricks. One of them involves flinging cards across the New Amsterdam stage. One card wedges in a bongo drum over by the band area. It's the card Jenna Elfman picked. Problem: most people in the theatre couldn't see the card; only those watching by closed-circuit could. Inside the theater, trick was a dud. Also, at least some in audience don't "get" Blaine, who always looks and sounds like he just rolled out of bed.
Thursday announcements open with a "Star Wars" like trailer, with the text stretching out into infinity. The text talks about reclaiming Thursday nights from the evil empire, aka NBC, "and restore Thursdays to ABC." NBC, you see, is down 17 percent in Thursdays and "ER" is down 12 percent since George Clooney left the show. At 8:00 we lead with "Whose Line Is It Anyway" followed at 8:30 by THEN CAME YOU. It's about a woman in her 30's who gets divorced and then shtups the 22-year-old bellboy at the hotel where she's staying. Sample joke from the trailer: she makes a reference to Mrs. Robinson. He says, "Who's Mrs. Robinson?" And there are a couple other laugh-out-loud lines so perhaps the writing can pull this thing from the jaws of a lousy premise. At 9 p.m., Kevin Williamson and Miramax present WASTELAND, the story of six young adults "struggling with the transition between youth and adulthood" in New York City that Jamie says will be "a true alternative for the (young) audience." Trailer reminds me of all those WB trailers. Do 18-34's have time to watch all these shows custom-built for them?
Fridays. "The recent success of 'Providence' has only reaffirmed our commitment to 'TGIF.'" The top five family shows in TV are the "TGIF" shows and "Wonderful World." We'll lead with "ideal anchor" "The Hughleys." (Makes sense, though maybe not what D.L. had in mind.) Followed by "Boy Meets" at 8:30 and "Sabrina" at 9. By the way, the "Boy/Sabrina" hour this year topped "Dawson's Creek" by 23 percent in teens. At 9:30, a show about a 15-year-old boy "alone in a family full of women, unable to break their code ... There's the leader, the one we'll call Mom," played by Markie Post, plus kid sisters and an aunt. ("It's like an estrogen mine field around here!") Doesn't look any dumber than the existing "TGIF" shows. There's a funny Jane Goodall reference in the trailer. At 10, "20/20."
Saturday nights: movies! Originals like AUDREY HEPBURN STORY, starring Jennifer Love Hewitt; THE THREE STOOGES, exec produced by Mel Gibson; PURPLE HAZE, with Jonathan Jackson and a femme fatale; SOUTH PACIFIC with Glenn Close and Jimmy Smits; TUESDAYS WITH MORRIE, based on the Mitch Albom book that was based on a recurring "Nightline" segment that was based, no doubt, on something somebody read in the paper. Miniseries, too (though I suspect many of these will launch on Sundays in sweeps): THE BEACH BOYS, DIANA ROSS AND THE SUPREMES, and Robert Halmi Sr.'s TALES FROM THE ARABIAN NIGHTS on 4/30/2000 (which in fact is a Sunday). Theatricals: LIAR LIAR, CON AIR, RANSOM, AIR FORCE ONE, ROMEO AND JULIET, THE PEACEMAKER, SELENA, ONE FINE DAY, ROMY & MICHELE'S HIGH SCHOOL REUNION, MY BEST FRIEND'S WEDDING.
Finally, Stu Bloomberg emerges from the same Plexi coffin that was used to bring David Blaine onstage earelier, and says thanks for coming (and tells us to look for "Home Improvement" on the cover of TV Guide this week).

CBS

Carnegie Hall, May 19

Puff Daddy and Madonna songs boom through the stereo system, as if to get 3,000 mostly older advertising types to loosen up. (The CBS upfront audience was easily the most senior of any network.) There's a guy on the second balcony with a TV camera, as there is at every upfront, to simulcast the presentation to Chicago (and in some cases L.A.).
CBS sales chief Joe Abruzzese leads off. "The real reason I'm up here is to make sure this microphone works for Les." Laughs. Unlike the other network chiefs, CBS prexy Les Moonves will ringlead the entire upfront. Joe reviews the Quad study showing that network viewers are more loyal than cable viewers. He then introduces "cable's top ten" — and out come eight guys in wrestling costumes, putting each other in headlocks, and two children dressed like Rugrats. "There you have it, cable's top ten (shows): eight wrestlers and two Rugrats."
He then introduces a film clip, LES MOONWALKER: NETWORK WARRIOR, the highlight of the presentation. Totally bitching, maximum-production-values spoof interweaving clips from the actual Star Wars trailer with headshots of Moonves in full SW garb. Three villains appear, light sabres drawn; enter Les and his light sabre. The other three guys' sabres go limp. Next scene with Yoda, who says, "I am a thousand years old." Les: "Oh, a 'Diagnosis Murder' fan." Another scene: Someone tells him, "We just got a new weapon. It's totally useless. I think it's called the Optimizer" (Nielsen measuring device). Les then takes on his enemies: "Emperor Murdoch and David Hill," who are behind the sinister "When Wookies Attack 7." A hologram of Princess Tarses from the "mysterious alphabetically correct yellow planet," begging Moonves for help. Les says, "Don't worry, I'll save you," before switching off her hologram. Then Les gets in a starship and bores down on the evil NBC orb headed by "Darth Ancier." Just as he nails it with the laser, Mel Karmazin comes up on his video screen: "Great news! I just bought NBC!" Les: "Uh-oh." NBC: "Boooom!" Raucous laughter and applause.
Les comes out to cheers. "Every year my promo guys come up with new ways of making me look foolish. You should've seen the one I turned down. Me and Joe Abruzzese doing the trailer from 'Eyes Wide Shut.'" Big laugh. "I did all my own stunts in that scene — except actually talking to Mel." The crowd takes a while to get that one. "When we first booked this hall .. we figured everyone would be impressed to be here. Caruso played Carnegie Hall. Bernstein played Carnegie Hall. Moonves, before this, played Carnegie Deli." (They show an old PR glossy from his acting days.) Back then, CBS was so deep in third place "that Jesse Jackson was negotiating for my release." But now all four of the Big Three have spent at least one week in fourth place. And NBC, after promising great things for "Frasier" and "Encore Encore," now stands for "Now Behind CBS." (As for their promise, "it's right up there with 'I'll still respect you in the morning.'")
With one week left in the season, Moonves predicts that CBS will win the 1998=99 season in total viewers and in households. And there's more:
People spend more time watching CBS than any other web.
We brought back core viewers and held onto them. Added viewers, esp. men, thanks to NFL.
"CBS is now the largest pure-play media company in the world," thanks to its ownership of 160 radio stastions (including the No. 1 stations in 8 of top 10 markets), TV stations reaching 34 percent of the country, cable and Internet. "In fact the way things are going, I fully expect Mel will have six more dot-com's by the time this presentation is over." Also touts syndi powerhouse Eyemark-King World and CBS Productions.
Les repeats Sassa's Total Cereal comparison. To equal the value of just one unit on "60 Minutes" reaching upscale men, you'd have to buy 468 units of CNBC's "Market Wrap." (Of course, CNBC is one of the few cable networks with a median viewer age older than CBS.)
CBS has succeeded with core shows, not specials. It won the most weeks (16 of 35) and finished first or second more often than any other web (32 of 35).
Argues that total viewers are still the true measure of advertiser reach. But points out that with regular shows, CBS increased market share in key demos. Notes that "Touched by an Angel" reaches more A18-34 viewers than "Dawson's Creek," that "Nash Bridges" reaches more A18-49's than "Buffy" and "King of Queens" delivers more demos than "King of the Hill." Hell, that recent "Rockford Files" movie, "starring that youngster, James Garner," nearly doubled "Felicity's" in A18-49. "You won't see our stars on the cover of many magazines — but then, we aren't in the magazine business."
We're the only network to lower our median age (from 53 years to 52). And consider this: by 2000, 30 percent of the population will be ages 35-54. Those coveted 18-34's make up barely 20 percent. So if you target them, you're missing out on much of the viewing public.
Our new shows are growing, like "King of Queens." And now we have the invaluable NFL. Greg Gumbel and Phil Simms come out and do some very polished banter. Simms jokes that he got a sore shoulder this season because every time he tried to make a comment, Gumbel would give him a shove to signal him it was time to read another CBS promo.
Les: News was challenged this year, and responded marvelously. "60 Minutes II" already a hit. We also have "fantastic upside" ahead for mornings, where the man "who revolutionized morning television" takes over and we move our morning show to a showcase studio at 59th Street and Fifth Avenue, which our landlord Donald Trump assures us is the finest corner in the world, "with the Plaza Hotel, Central Park right across the street — and a pretty good falafel stand on the corner" (they show a picture of the stand, very funny). Bryant Gumbel comes out and is his usual charming-bordering-on-unctuous self. "All you're doing is introducing Gumbels," he says to Les. "Mom's waiting backstage."
Les introduces Nancy Tellem, new CBS Ent. prexy, who will assist in reading the fall sked. She's soon joined by Ray Romano, who comes out to do some shtick with "Les's date book," which he claims to have stolen. "6:45, wake up ... 7:00, get Thursday overnights ... 7:01, breathe into paper bag ... 7:30, feed Sammo Hung ... 10:00, prepare for meeting with Craig Kilborn by having someone tell me who he is. ... 12 noon, private lunch with myself ... 2 o'clock, yell at someone ... 2:45, fire someone ... 3 o'clock, play with my kittens ... 5 o'clock. Ask limo driver if he wants to be known as 'Warren' or 'Mr. Littlefield.'"
Monday. 8:00 "King of Queens," described as "a great series waiting to break out," esp. with NBC's Monday lineup "becoming a dumping ground for failed Thursday-night comedies" (picture of Brooke Shields and Kirstie Alley cutouts in a garbage truck elicits cruel groans). Last season, when it was on at 8:30, "King" improved on "Raymond's" 1997-98 performance in that time period. "Tremendous upside with 'Monday Night Football' moving back to 9."
8:30 LADIES MAN, "the story of a man inundated by women." Older women, largely, which sets this apart from a similar estrogen-filled show on ABC. Stars Alfred Molina (a Brit sporting an American accent on the show), Sharon Lawrence and Betty White (who says "bitch" in the trailer). There's an insufferable little girl, too. The writing appears to be atrocious; one sequence in which a coworker, played by Stephen Root, talks about gay sex elicited gasps of horror and disgust from those sitting around me. And I doubt any company interested in reaching certain religious groups will go within two miles of "Ladies Man" after seeing the scene in which a very pregnant Sharon Lawrence commands her husband to have sex with her "within the next 30 seconds" or else "this marriage is over!" The stars come out and Molina speaks on behalf of the group, in his natural British-accented voice.
9:00 "Raymond" and 9:30 "Becker" hour intact.
10:00 FAMILY LAW, described as a "classy urban ensemble drama," stars Kathleen Quinlan and is from EP Paul Haggis ("Due South," "EZ Streets"). As with all Haggis works, this one has great lighting and soundtrack. Quinlan and her husband ran a law firm until he moved out and took the firm to the skyscraper next door. So she hires a ruthless partner played by Dixie Carter ("I hate men, and I play dirty") and so set out to "practice law their way." In one poignant storyline, they help a (drug-addicted?) mom renounce legal rights to her kid. I wonder if any men will watch. Stars of the show come out.
Kevin James comes out and does some standup, mostly Seinfeldian observational humor. The 35-to-64's in attendance seem to enjoy it.
Tuesday 8:00 "JAG" returns ("the only show ever to switch networks and become a hit"). But now it's followed at 9 by "60 Minutes II," which got sky-high numbers when paired with a "JAG" repeat.
Then at 10, JUDGING AMY starring Amy Brenneman as a lawyer who moves to a small town to become a judge, following in the footsteps of her mother, played by Tyne Daly. Amy is separated, has her daughter with her as well as her difficult mom. I notice there is a black lawyer in the trailer; CBS is the only network I saw to consistently employ older actors and minority actors in its new series.
Wednesday at 8:00 goes "Cosby," for which Les predicts great things. "With ABC putting on one of its weakest comedies here ... this is one pizza place that doesn't deliver." (That line gets sympathy applause.)
At 8:30 WORK WITH ME, a workplace/homeplace comedy with Kevin Pollak and Nancy Travis from Stephen Engel ("Just Shoot Me"). The trailer is very promising; Pollak and Travis have surprising chemistry and Pollak's just great. He moves into her firm after failing to make partner at his firm and quitting (in a hilarious quitting sequence). Typical exchange. Travis: "You're used to big Wall Street firms and this is more like a ... Sesame Street firm." Pollak: "We'll be just like Bert and Ernie, then, only without the gay overtones." At 9 the Tuesday movie becomes the Wednesday movie. They come out and bicker amusingly some more for us.
DAYTIME. Have won every week for the past 10 years in daytime. Out comes the host of "The Price Is Right," Bo---b Barker! Bob's entire speeceh: "Next month we will tape the last show of the 27th year of 'TPIR' on CBS. So I figure you are buying spots on 'TPIR' or you have decided you don't want to buy spots on 'TPIR.' Therefore I will take this opportunity to remind you to help control the pet population." Then a short promo reel is shown to tout "Young & Restless," up for 21 Daytime Emmys on Friday. Out comes much of the cast of the show, which takes a curtain call and says nothing.
Thursday, which has become "Must-Flee TV" for NBC, with its audience down 17 percent. "Frasier" is down 24 percent in A18-49. At 8:00 CBS counters with "Diagnosis Murder," which Moonves calls "still the most underrated show in TV" with a solid 13 MM viewers weekly. At 9 comes the "new" "Chicago Hope," which David E. Kelley is restarting beginning with tonight's season-ending episode. We see a clip: Mandy Patinkin comes in and fires everybody except four male doctors, played by Elizondo, Arkin, Harmon and Carroll. And add hot young doctors like Lauren Holly. So, I guess it's "Ally McBeal" in scrubs.
To promote the new improved "Hope," out comes Mandy (who's rejoining the cast) to perform what appears to be a completely unscripted routine. He begins talking, then stops, says, "No, I know what it is," drops his pants and leaves them dropped for the remainder of his talk. He says how much he misses the show and how much better he'll make the show and then he gets into this thing about how he's talked three doctors into "allowing me to offer to all of you ... a complete — it's a most unique test" that will scan you for any medical disorder. So he distributes two boxes of Dixie Cups and some Saran Wrap to the audience for them to leave specimens. During this long-assed performance (it runs over four minutes), Moonves watches, unsmiling and unamused. Afterwards he says, "And to think I was afraid he was going to sing."
10:00 "Just think how much stronger '48 Hours' will be with 'Chicago Hope' as a lead-in." of all newsmags, only "48" gained audience compared with last year. It even beat "ER" last month for the first time ever (well, sure — thanks to Littleton).
Fridays lead off again with "Kids Say" at 8. Followed by LOVE OR MONEY at 8:30, a comedy featuring rich people in a Central Pk. West apt. whose daughter falls for the handyman. David Ogden Stiers, Brian Doyle Murray, and other people who use only two names star (including Swoosie Kurtz). Trailer looks dreadful.
NOW AND AGAIN at 9. "The most talked about new show of the season," we're told. From Glenn Gordon Caron ("Moonlighting"). John Goodman stars in the first part of the pilot as a broken-down insurance salesman who falls under a subway train. But his brain is harvested and paired with a bionic body by a Secret Government Agency. Only one condition: he can't go back to his old life or family. Selah. Eric Close plays the muscular lead. "All he wanted to do was make it home." Engrossing trailer. The question is, how good will this show be without John Goodman in it?! That's followed at 10 by "Nash Bridges," which Les crows "finally put a bullet into 'Homicide'" (some would say Scott Sassa gets credit for that).
LATE NIGHT. "Here's another daypart where we feel we've made great strides," says Moonves of the audience-eroding lineup of Letterman and Kilborn. Out comes Craiggers, who acquits himself very well with some funny one-liners. "For some reason Mandy hasn't put his pants back on ... I do want to thank Nancy Tellem and the king, Les Moonves. They've been very supportive. And I'll never forget the first time they came down to watch the show. They were stunned by what they saw. Not the comedy — they had never seen an audience of 18-to-34-year-old men before."
Saturday stays intact with "Early," "Martial" and "Walker."
Sunday, "60 Minutes" has finished in the Top 10 the past 22 seasons. Out come Morley, Lesley, Steve and Ed, each of whom says something short and sweet.
Movies and minis: SARAH PLAIN AND TALL III: WINTER'S END (Hallmark Hall of Fame), FAILSAFE (remake with George Clooney), SHAKE RATTLE AND ROLL ("the biggest music event in TV" with music from Bob Dylan, Carole King, Sheryl Crow and BB King), FORGET ME NEVER (Mia Farrow as a middle-aged woman with Alzheimer's, BOATS, uh, which means "based on a true story"), SOUL COLLECTOR (Ossie Davis, Melissa Gilbert), PERFECT MURDER, PERFECT TOWN (mini on the JonBenet Ramsey killing, "the true untold story" based on a book CBS optioned "that will put this case to rest"). And imagine — News isn't even producing it! FLOWERS FOR ALGERNON (Matthew Modine) and AFTERSHOCK (8.9 earthquake hits New York; trailer ends with a Monty Pythonesque animation of Carnegie Hall crashing into rubble, which plays to big laughs).
MIDSEASON — new medical drama from Steven Bochco, "City of Angels" (Jan.)
A final word about stability: only six new shows, weekend lineup left intact, and a staff that's among the most senior in the business.

Fox

The Fox network only invited selected members of the press to its upfront presentation, while telling everyone else, "The press is not invited to the upfront." However, the press was welcome to attend an 11 a.m. press conference and luncheon announcing the fall schedule, which would've required blowing off the UPN upfront. Since TV Barn did not travel to New York to cover press conferences, Fox lost out.

UPN

I actually did attend UPN's upfront at the Manhattan Center — or whatever that theater next to the New Yorker Hotel is called — but I never got around to transcribing the tape. I can still recall the highlight: It was the opening, when several WWF stars escorted UPN president Dean Valentine and his head of sales to the stage amidst bone-crunching metal music and a choking cloud of fog.