We wear short shorts

Tom Heald’s Remote Patrol for Wednesday, July 14, 2004
All times Eastern

For PBS programs, check local listings

ENOUGH ALREADY

What reality sequel will never happen if the show’s host gets his/her way?

A) “Amazing Race 7”
B) “Big Brother 6”

C) “Boy Meets Boy 2”

D) “Celebrity Spelling Bee 2”

E) “Survivor: All-Stars 2”



[What causes its host to factor in fear? Find out at the bottom of the column.]

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“Extreme Evidence” (8 p.m., Court TV) gets to the bottom of the 2003 blackout. Looks like somebody watched “Monk.”


One of these things is not like the others on “60 Minutes II” (8 p.m., CBS): an obsessive father pushing his son into the PGA; the innocent-until-the-Supreme-Court-flips-the-switch Martha Stewart; and obesity in America.

The “Next Action Star” (8 p.m., NBC) swims blindfolded through an underwater maze and waxes off all his body hair. Fun Fact: this is the same selection process that was used to pick VP nominee John Edwards.

Yellowcard gets the green light to perform from the “Hard Rock Live” (8 p.m., MTV).


Pending Senate hearings, “Wild Weddings” (8 p.m., TLC) may not be allowed to broadcast tonight.



“Vegas Challenge III” (8 p.m., Travel) continues. Tip: Always avoid Penn Jillette.



“Science Wonders” (8 p.m., Discovery Science) investigates a pyramid scheme in Egypt.



“Quintuplets” (8:30 p.m., Fox) date their annoying neighbors while competing with them to star in a car commercial.



“Gambling” Gus Hansen puts his title on the line at the Bellagio’s Five Diamond Classic on the “World Poker Tour” (9 p.m., Travel).



A man, a tan, a gal pal: “The Simple Life 2: Road Trip” (9 p.m., Fox).

Brooks & Dunn, Dierks Bentley, Terri Clark, Brad Paisley, Rascal Flatts, LeAnn Rimes, Uncle Kracker and Hank Williams Jr. brave the heat for the “CMA Music Festival: Country Music’s Biggest Party” (9 p.m., CBS) in Nashville.

“American Justice” (9 p.m., A&E) catches a black widower who’s buried three wives.


Stop making faces at “Fear Factor” when “Taboo: Extreme Cuisine” (9 p.m., National Geographic) presents all your favorite delicacies on a bed of rice.



“My Family” (9 p.m., BBC America) discovers the joys of little blue prescription medications.



“Plastic Surgery: Before and After” (9 p.m., Discovery Health) performs face lifts, liposuction, breast reconstruction and/or reduction, and a tummy tuck. Are they sponsoring the Cher farewell tour?



Will Lance use a banana seat today in the Tour de France stage 10 (9 p.m., Outdoor Life)? Nope.



Secrets of the sauce and the best of the Hamptons are revealed on “BBQ …” & “FoodNation With Bobby Flay” (9 & 9:30 p.m., Food).



Lewis and Drew make a killing at the track with help from a DrugCo enhanced greyhound, then tries to find a new job for a bus driver on “The Drew Carey Show” (9 & 9:30 p.m., ABC).

Two nurses have the foresight to be shot in their own hospital parking lot on “I, Detective” (9:30 p.m., Court). If only there were a doctor in the house.


“Date Patrol” (10 p.m., TLC) tries to fix up the life of the party and the wallflower.



“Newlyweds: Nick & Jessica” (10 p.m., MTV) almost realize how lucky they are.



“The Ultimate Love Test” (10 p.m., ABC) has both of its remaining couples nervous. Will either propose? Perhaps.



“Techno Files” (10 p.m., Discovery Science) delivers the 411 on the Boeing 747-400.



A Colorado station makes more “Breaking News” (10 p.m., Discovery Times).

Investigators can’t explain how a car accident happened, much less why one driver was killed, on “Trace Evidence: From the Case Files of Dr. Henry Lee” (10 p.m., Court).


One lucky woman gets “Into Character” (10 p.m., AMC) as a “Coal Miner’s Daughter.”

A Jewish Olympian trains for the 1936 games as “Hitler’s Pawn” (10 p.m., HBO).

“Ashlee Simpson” (10:30 p.m., MTV) loses her voice just as band rehearsals start. (You’re supposed to be sad.)


The third watch of “Reno 911” (10:30 p.m., Comedy Central) faces off when a firemen’s pancake fundraiser and the annual Policeman’s Ball are scheduled on the same night.

SWINDLER’S LISTS

“I Love the ’90s” (9 & 10 p.m., VH1) is there for Jim Carrey, “Seinfeld,” Tonya Harding, “Pulp Fiction,” Ace of Base, George Foreman, Woodstock 2, “Melrose Place,” “NYPD Blue,” “Speed,” O.J., “Friends,” “Party of Five,” “ER,” “Xena” and “Hercules,” “Braveheart,” “Toy Story,” the Budweiser frogs, pogs, Playstation (1) and “Show Girls.”

SECOND CHANCE

A cop, a lieutenant and a shaman walk into a cave in “A Thief of Time” (9 p.m., PBS).

UNNECESSARY GUEST STAR PATROL

“Method & Red” (9:30 p.m., Fox): Carmen Electra. Plot: The boys woo an investor for her vast assets. Woooooooo, we get the double entendre!

ALSO NEW

* “American Poker Championship at Turning Stone Resort & Casino” (6 p.m., Fox Sports)

* Triple-A All-Star Game (7 p.m., ESPN2)

* “Polar Battlefields” (8 p.m., Discovery)

* “Weekend Gardening” (8 p.m., DIY)

* “Designers’ Challenge,” “New Spaces,” “Weekend Warriors,” “Mission: Organization” and “Curb Appeal” (8, 8:30, 9, 9:30 & 10 p.m., HGTV)

* “Taboo: Extreme Cuisine” (9 p.m., National Geographic)

* “Great Outdoor Games” (9 p.m., ESPN)

* “Venice Flood Gates” (9 p.m., Discovery)

* “Wind Tunnel With Dave Despain” (10 p.m., Speed)

* “Reno 911!” (10:30 p.m., Comedy Central)

* “The Ashlee Simpson Show” (10:30 p.m., MTV)

TALK TALK

* Dennis Miller welcomes Dr. Drew Pinsky, James Rogan, Bill Rancic, Karch Kiraly, Lenny Krayzelburg and Bart Conner.

* Brian Cox wishes he had two first names like Charlie Rose and Thomas Frank.

* Spike Lee does “The Daily Show Thing.”

* Sen. Joseph Biden and Tony Danza unveil their talk show plans to a frightened Tavis.

* Hilary Duff and Jonathan Ames throw tomahawks at Dave.

* Halle Berry and Tony Shalhoub display their animal magnetism on “The Tonight Show.”

* Super Dave Osborne and Joe Nichols yield no quarter to Jimmy Kimmel.

* Anthony Michael Hall visits the dead zone of late night: the “Late Late Show With Craig Kilborn.”

* Conan O’Brien gets his groove back with Queen Latifah, Ali G and the Roots.

* Will Ferrell and Demetri Martin take Carson Daly to school on “Last Call.”

Thursday morning
* Hilary Duff and Kyle MacLachlan enjoy coffee and damn fine cherry coffee cake with Regis and Kelly.

* Tourists Nicole Richie and Vivica A. Fox get hooked on Phoenix on “The View.”

THE TRIBE HAS SPOKEN

Jeff Probst says he thinks the game works best with unknowns. Thus, don’t expect to ever see E) “Survivor: All-Stars 2.”

Remote Patrol is online anytime at http://www.tvbarn.com/remote